Money Tree

Apparently money DOES grow on trees. This tree is not native to the United States but rather a mutant hybrid, liberalus democratus which has been unnaturally bred secretly here for decades. This rare tree requires large amounts of horse manure to thrive. It must be planted in soil which is toiled and tended by working upper middle class people.

The fruit of the tree, money, disappears almost as quickly as grows. Though the branches are thin and spindly, breaking easily in gentle winds the roots of the tree run unusually deep. The roots will drain life giving water, minerals and other critical resources within a 1000 mile radius. The liberal democratus commonly know as a Democrat, or in coastal areas as a Liberal Democrat grows wildy out of control, very quickly. Reporters are gathering to document the growth of a current tree in Washington D.C that is expected to yield a TRILLION dollars.

They are however remaining a safe distance away as scientists assert that when the Liberal Democrat has soaked every potential resource and sprouted all the money it is able, it will snap, and splinter ferociously, sending toothpick size splinters for thousands of miles. Alarmists warn it will feel like shrapnel when it strikes. It cannot be contained or destroyed. They fear it will strike without discrimination, injuring our children and grandchildren for years to come. Though the strike will not be deadly it will weaken, and leave vulnerable every American it strikes.

The only hope is to be nominated as a cabinet member in the Obama administration so that you will be freed from tax burdens, paid well, and kept by lobbyists who know how to skirt the system. Space is limited so apply now.

PS
Please do not forward requests for money, it is not meant for you. The Liberal Democrat itself determines where the money is best sent.