where I was

To vent or not to vent? That is the question.


This week I asked the gal I trust the most (T) to please delete my draft folders and private blog in the event of my untimely death. What I say in my most private angry moments is really not fit for others to hear. So it is with the original version of this post. I didn't think when I said it there would be a hit out on me but there may be now.


In April I came to the end of my patience and tolerance with bullies. I let them and unfortunately everyone else in ear shot know it. I really, really lost it. If you know me then you know that is not going to be pretty. Especially not when I dropped everything I was doing to go have this confrontation.


I was cleaning. Wearing a t-shirt that said, "I'm not the boss of you but I know what you should be doing." Hair clean but wholly disheveled frizzy, pinned and clipped in a half dozen places. No make-up, glasses, face blood red, shaking, furious, and looking for some resolution. I looked like the Wild Woman of Borneo. It was ugly.


I lost friends, learned some truths about others, and realized that homeschool groups are actually no different than the public schools when it comes to bullies and parents. No one wants to do anything. No one will stand up to them. No one will make them leave.

Homeschool teenagers are no different than public school kids if the parents are no different. Christians can't stand up for what is right because they can't agree what it is. Peer pressure is as prevalent and damaging in Christian and homeschool circles as it is in every secular arena - among the parents as the kids. Which, I'm sorry, is tragic.


I was accused of gossip, by a gossip and told I was holding a grudge by someone, eh hem holding a grudge - same person. I saw some of the boldest hypocrisy in that exchange that I've ever seen. It was one of the saddest days in my life. My eyes were opened, my heart was broken by the disappointment and disillusionment in someone I respected once. No more.


I learned some parents actually do not want to know if their kids are messing up. They are too busy to be bothered. Others however seem to care deeply and were willing to say so, it should be said. I was naive enough to think that all Christian parents would want to know what the kids are doing. I was stupid enough to think that the parents would believe adults. I was foolish enough to think that grown women could have compassion.


I realized that you really do find out who your friends are and sometimes it breaks your heart.


I realized that some adults won't stand up for their friends, not if it's complicated or makes them uncomfortable. Some people want to be Switzerland. Oh people like to get up their high horse about every social issue in the world, politics, gay marriage, etc. But let a little real moral dilemma wander into their life so that they have to choose sides and say what is right and they cave.


How are we supposed to tell our kids to stand up for what is right if we can't? So I did, I lost some friends, and left every single social circle I was a part of as a result. Not only am I not sorry, am I glad. Relieved. Blessed. Peaceful. Good decision.

Here is the point I want to drive home. If you can't stand up to your friends when they are wrong, how in the hell can you stand up to your enemies? If you can't identify wrong, how can you battle it? If the path of less resistance is attractive, ask yourself why? I won't hear preaching about gay marriage from someone who lies to my face. You have NO standing. You are steeped in you own sin, and need to check the log in your own eye. Don't preach patience and tolerance and forgiveness and then forget about looking out for the meek, the bullied. Hypocrisy is the number one reason non-Christian sight as their reason for not being a Christian.

Since I'm on forgiveness...

what does it mean? Should someone forgive their abuser? Yes. Why? For the abuser? NO! for the victim's well being. For the victim's peace. God told us to - of course, why?? He wants us to forgive because it's GOOD for us. Yes, the Bible says if they slap one cheek, let them slap the other but it does NOT say, go out and find people who will slap you ad then meet up with them twice a week so they can do it.

Some people want forgiveness for those whom they deem as regretful. For forgiveness to be sought THREE things have to happen:

True repentance (it's not enough to hear someone is sorry, you can tell if they are)
Reparation (they have to make it right - it ain't easy)
Change (do not do it again)

The last thing I will tolerate, yes I am intolerant when it's appropriate- is being told to forgive and repair by someone who doesn't understand the definition. I won't be promised change by someone who does not possess the power to change.

This post was written a month ago - I was very angry, disgusted in fact. I re-read it, and it stands. But I'm not angry anymore. There are none so blind as though who will not see, and for those who prefer to stick their heads in the sand - the truth always comes out. Many truths have been brought to my attention in the last few weeks. None I would bother sharing because if someone refuses to believe they are on fire, what can you do? grab a marshmellow? harsh, I know. Okay that was snarky... but the truth will stand when the world is on fire.

Now moving on.